


She's Only a Disappointment and a Freak

by Jacky_Laurens



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, I need a name for trans john, I was thinking Jacklyn or Joan/Joanne?, M/M, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Trans John, Transwoman John, give me suggeations in the comments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-03 23:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10977831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacky_Laurens/pseuds/Jacky_Laurens
Summary: John is a transgirl who is struggling to accept herself which leads to bad choices.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is a little ficlet that I wrote a while ago. I'm thinking about making a series out of this AU so let me know if you think I should. Suggestions and critiques are welcomed and encouraged.

John.

_Oh how she hated that name._

_John. John. John._

Its all she ever heard.

She was lucky to have a group of friends to support her, but was that enough?

She always came home with bruises and black eyes from the bullies. She hated getting into fights and would try to avoid them, yet she was caught in them daily. She spent plenty of time hiding in the boy's bathroom, locking herself in a stall and crying whenever the bullying got too bad, or her panic attacks were too much.

Once her father found out about the fights, he began grounding her for not frighting back, telling her to "take it like a man." She hated when he said things like that.

_She was a disappointment._

Her best friend, and boyfriend, Alexander was always there for her when he could be. He spent lots of time with her, just being there to comfort her and remind her that she was loved. But it wasn't enough. It couldn't ever be enough.

_She was a freak._

One day, the girl was walking home from school. Alexander couldn't walk her today because he had a club meeting right after school. She took out her ponytail and let her curls loose just over her shoulders, wiping an eye with the back of her hand, surprised to find it damp.

She rubbed the tears away as she continued walking towards her house, tugging on the sleeve of her sweatshirt, trying to hide the red parallel lines on her wrist from the night before, trying to forget what she had done to herself, only to find her cheeks becoming damp once more and feeling a sniffle in her breathing.

She couldn't keep walking home.

The girl walked off the path to her home and decided to go to her favourite place for serenity. After ten minutes of walking, she could see the path that would take her to the ledge that seemed to overlook everything she knew. She had given up on wiping her tears and was now making her way up the path to the cliff which wasn't too much higher than where she was now.

Step.

_What about Lafayette?_

Step.

_What about Hercules?_

Step.

_What about her friends?_

Step.

_What about Alexander?_

Which each step, she began to feel guilt rising in her chest, but she trudged on.

Step.

_What about her father?_

Step.

_What about how disappointed he was?_

Step.

_Won't he be happy to have her gone?_

She reached the top and looked out over the world, felling like she could see everything. It was so close.

_So close._

She felt the tears begin to steam harder, her loose hair blowing in the wind, sticking to her damp, freckle-covered cheeks.

She would always be a disappointment.

A freak.

_A tranny._

_John Laurens._

**She jumped.**


	2. Chapter 2

It was around 4:30 when Alexander left the school and started to walk to his house. He pulled out his phone and texted his girlfriend, Jacklyn. 

To Jackie ❤️: Hey, I'm just leaving school. 

He didn't expect an immediate reply, but after a couple minutes he began to get a bit worried. After he got home, he decided to try texting her again. 

To Jackie❤️: Are you busy? 

To Jackie❤️: Hello?

Alexander was really starting to get worried so he called the number but got no answer. Before he could call again, he saw a reply come in. 

From Jackie❤️: Hey Alex, this is Marty, Jackie's sister. She is in the hospital right now but we think she'll be okay. Please don't come see her just yet because our father is here. Text me on my phone, I'm deleting this message after I send it. 

Alexander read the message over countless times. Jacklyn was in the hospital?? Why? She had seemed fine today at school. He knew that it couldn't be something medical and that it must have been something else, something serious.

Alex: What happened?? When can I see her?

Marty: She tried to kill herself… She jumped from that cliff… I hope that she'll be okay. Father will be at work tomorrow so you can come see her then. She hasn't woken up yet but they just confirmed that she's in a stable condition. She has a broken leg though. 

Alex: I'll come first thing in the morning. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The whole night, Alexander could barely sleep. Instead, he found a stack of papers that contained all of the drawings Jacklyn had ever given him, plus any little notes that they had exchanged. He looked at each picture and note carefully, remembering what had happened each day. 

There were happy days, sad days, anxious days, and relaxed days. He took a soft breath and placed the papers in his satchel to bring to the hospital when he went. 

Early the next morning, Alexander woke up at his desk, his notebook open and his pencil in hand. He wiped at his eyes lightly and looked at his watch. 

5:43. 

He stood up and stretched, putting his notebook into the satchel as well. Alexander got dressed and pulled his hair into a tight ponytail before dashing out and getting on his bike.

It didn't take Alexander long to get to the hospital. He locked up his bike and went into the lobby as quickly as he could without seeming desperate. Making his way to the front desk, he gave a slight, forced smile as he spoke to the woman. "Hi, I'm here to see a patient under the name of John Laurens?…" Alexander said, sounding more like he was asking. 

The woman nodded and typed the name into her computer before looking up and smiling. "Room 315, the elevators are to your right."

Alexander said a quick "Thank you" before making his way to the elevator and pressing the up button. He paced around nervously as he waited for the elevator to come to the bottom floor. 

Finally, the elevator dinged and Alexander got on and pressed the button that would take him to the third floor. Soon enough, it let him out and he searched for Room 315, finding it with ease. 

"Jackie?…" he asked as he walked in, looking over at her laying on the bed, eyes closed. Alexander felt his heart drop seeing her like that. It looked like she was sleeping so he decided to not wake her. Instead, he took a chair and pulled it closer to Jacklyn's bedside. He reached out to brush some of her loose curls behind her ear, smiling lightly as he looked over her calm features. 

"Please be okay, Jacklyn…" he whispered softly. "I love you…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that its short, but I think short chapters will be easier for me to motivate myself to keep writing, plus then I'll be able to get chapters out faster. I get motivation from love and attention so comments are appreciated and if people /really/ want to motivate me, you can send me fanart of my story at Jacky_Laurens on Tumblr <3


End file.
